my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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