Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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