O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
