This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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