I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
