Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
