I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
