yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
