OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
