I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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