I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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