I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
