hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
