when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
