Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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