The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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