There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
