dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to calm my uterus...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
