Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
