You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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