Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I will be naked everywhere
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Terrible idea I love it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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