He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
