i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
