12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
