He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
