Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
