Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
