I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
