If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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