i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
