I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
