There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
