i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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