I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
