you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
