STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
