how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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