It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so let's talk penis.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
