You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
