Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
