ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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