Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
