She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
