just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
