oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
