She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
