Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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