That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
