So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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