i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
