I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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